Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
