That's intense
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
