don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
