His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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