i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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