Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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