Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
