as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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