True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
