I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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