OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
