haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to make out with him forever
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
