Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
