i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
