You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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