she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
