umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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