"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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