Ketchup is God's man juice
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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