she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
