I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
