Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
