Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
