Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
