Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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