dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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