time to smoke my breakfast
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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