first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
