The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
