I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
