You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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