I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
