Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
