I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
