Got a toothbrush?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
