just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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