I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
