Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
