John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
