fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
