dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
