I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize