If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
