I'm gonna have a badass scar
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
