4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
