I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Michael Bay diarrhea
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
