I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
