remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
