oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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