I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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