nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
