Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
