wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
