he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
