you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
