you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
