I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
