she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
