i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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