just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
