Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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