After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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