Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
