dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
