Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
