we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
