i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
