Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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